Collision

I just got an email about the film Collision and after watching the clip below... I am in.

Wilson Review from Collision Movie on Vimeo.

Home.

Some of my favorite bloggers wrote about home today. Elizabeth (not me) told them too. And I want to play too!

I moved away from home (Idaho, where I grew up) not expecting to make my own home. I was supposed to be living in someone else's home for a year, taking care of their kids, figuring out some stuff, and then moving back to my home.

That's not what happened. I moved into someone else's house for about a month and then quit because I couldn't handle living with them. Note to self, Elizabeth doesn't like being a live in nanny. Not in that situation anyways.

 I debated giving up and going home then, but that's not what I wanted. I have no idea why, but I decided to move in with the girls I'd driving across the country with-- I was already living with them on the weekends... and yeah, I don't know why I decided to do the live in thing anyways.

But I moved in with the girls and found a part time job, then a full time job, then a different full time job. And somewhere in the process, I found home. Not the home I grew up in. A new home. My first adult, this is going to be me on my own home. Chicago went from being a bit scary to a city I love.

Chicago accidentally became home. And I love it. I love what I've learned. I love the ways God has surprised me here. But it has not always easy, because I miss my other home. I miss Idaho and my family and friends there. My roots are there, but my heart is here.

I don't know how long Chicago will be my home for. I don't know what tomorrow holds, but I'm confident that where God leads me, He will be.

Maybe someday.

I watched E's special on Khloe Kardashian's wedding this weekend and I have to admit I cried a few times. There is just something about Khloe I like. She is honest and just herself. I cried because Khloe just seemed so happy and in love. She seemed like she was changed by love- or just more herself. 

And now I have weddings on my mind and in a bit of a Meg Fee way I now have a few things to say...

Dear you,
I'm not down with big weddings. I don't like being looked at. I want a quiet beach in a warm and sunny place. I want a relaxing wedding. I want the people I love most of all to be having the time of their lives. I don't want a big dress, I don't want satin or taffeta. I don't want lights. I want sun-flowers and tulips. Waves and quiet. I want bare feet and hand holding. Candle lights and a guitar strumming. I want family mixing and good friends meeting. I want loved spilled out. This is my dream wedding. But most of all, I want there to be a you.

Broken.

I saw a girl about my age crying today. Really crying... curled up in a ball, leaning against a building crying. And her brokenness nearly broke me.

I have been that girl who has very obviously lost it in public. There was a day last spring where I sat on the sidewalk and cried while I tried to talk on the phone to my Mom. (She couldn't understand what I was saying, so we had to hang up until I could hold myself together.) Someone came up to me and gave me a Kleenex and another person came up and asked me if I was okay. I do not like to cry and I especially do not like to cry in public, but every once in a while, life gets the best of me and the tears come rolling down. And the sweetness of these strangers blessed my socks off (and completely embarrassed me as well.)

My neighbor gets into fights with her boyfriend. Nasty fights that include me calling the police. Fights that leave her hiding in the alley.

My church sings the song Hosanna in church sometimes. The line, "break my heart for what breaks yours." Gets to me every time. Because I am convinced that God hurts for the broken. And I long for my heart to be soft to the broken.



I tried to talk to the girl as she was crying today, but she took off. I'm slightly afraid that my asking her if she was okay scared her away. But I also know that being the girl that loses it on the side of a building is not that much fun. And from my experience last spring, I know that asking is better than just walking by. Especially since this girl really didn't seem like she was okay.

I know that this blog post probably doesn't make that much sense to anyone else other than me. But something is going on in my heart. Girls (or women rather) my age are hurting. We are a broken generation. We are in ridiculously harmful relationships and come from broken homes. We are killed by hit and run drivers and die in the streets. Are bodies are used and abused.

Somewhere in America a women is sexually assaulted every two minutes. I heard once that 1 out of 3 women are somehow sexually abused/assaulted in their lifetime, and that's just reported cases. We may be a strong and independent generation of women, but we're also hurting. 

My faith may be corny to some, but in this life there is not always much to hope for. There is joy and fun, but there is also deep sorrow. My faith in Jesus provides me something to hold onto in the moments when the brokenness is overwhelming. When the injustice is too much.

Thankfully, I serve a God who offers wholeness and comfort to a hurting heart.
Come to Me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you, and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy, and my burden is light. Matthew 11:28-31

Redbud Christmas Card Giveaway

My blog design comes from Sharon at Redbud Designs. I became a fan of her designs when I stumbled across Jamie's blog. I love personalized things... like my personalized bathrobe. There is something homey about it. So I was super excited to have Sharon design my blog template...  and personally, I think she did a fantastic job!
And now she is having another one of her giveaways. And who doesn't just love FREE stuff?! This time it's for a pre-designed (meaning not custom, but still cool) Christmas cards. They are pretty stinking cute. And while I would prefer to win, I get an extra entry if I blog about it... so click below and maybe you'll win... but I really hope I do. Sorry, 'bout that. I'll try and be happy for you, if you win instead.

Click here to learn about her Christmas Card giveaway.

A twinkling.

I saw a sign today.
A sign of death.
At 3:30 in the morning a girl was killed.
Her face smiled at me from the poster.
She was pretty.
And young.
And normal looking.
She was twenty-three and it was a hit and run.
On the corner of my street.
While I lay sleeping in my bed, she lay dying in the street.
And I wonder- was she alone?
In that moment, was she scared?
Or did God's mighty peace comfort her?
Was she drunk and stumbled into the street?
Was the driver drunk?
At 3:30 yesterday morning, what happened?

Death is but a moment away. Whoever you were, I saw the sign. I did not know you, but still your life and death have affected me today.

A day?

Annie did it.
And since this is Days with Elizabeth, I thought I would to.

My days are full, chalk full.

I wake up between 7-7:20 am. (All this week I've gotten up at 8am)

 Most days (Monday through Friday) I have to be at work at 9am. I frequent Starbucks and don't frequent sitting down to eat breakfast- I grab a granola bar or something like it on my way out the door. I am not a morning person, I have been seen holding on to the walls as I try to walk down the hallway. And don't even get me started on my morning hair. Not a morning person. 

I somehow manage to get myself dressed and out the door. Although, I have no idea how. Music is always playing in my room. Savior King by Hillsong is one of my favorite songs. That and Joshua Radin and I'm off to a good start.


Depending on the day I might walk to work... it's close and I like some time to wake up and think in the morning. A walk is the perfect opportunity to do this.


At Starbucks I am greeted by a lovely group of people. My neighborhood Starbucks is the place where everybody knows my name. Seriously, they know me. And I know them... I don't know if it's good or bad that some of my favorite people are Starbucks employees and my morning trips there are my favorite part of my day.

And then I work. With two adorable little kids. I work full days- 9 to 5, five days a week. I'm with them on the weekends and sometimes on weeknights too.

Monday nights I sometimes have bible study.
Tuesday nights I do stupid homework assignments.
Wednesday nights I go to a really lame history class.
Thursday nights, I don't even know what I do.

In the midst of this I attempt to exercise, do some laundry, and hang with my roommates.

And then it's the weekend. I work some more and try to do at least one fun thing. Most of my life is planned. And that's not really by choice. But it's a good life. It's full of people and Jesus and Starbucks... can't go wrong there.

Like a virgin.

Yup, that's what I'm gonna talk about today. Hold on, are you ready for this? I hope so, 'cause I'm not too sure I am.

First things first. No one paid me, bribed me, or told me that not having sex (until I get married) is the choice I had to make. Honestly, there wasn't a ton of talk about sex in my house growing up. There was talk, just not a ton.

This decision was mine to make and mine alone. Because as morally as you expect your kids to behave, who's to say they're not sneaking out their windows after you've gone to bed? You can install morals and virtues in them, but there comes a point when their choices are theirs alone to make.

In high school, I was a part of a girls bible study and our leader, Nancy, talked to us about sex every fall. It was an infamous talk with all of the girls-- she had news paper clippings about girls who had remained sexually pure until marriage. (And yes, it really is that big of deal.) For the most part we were all used to her talk. I think they were beneficial conversations, but we always knew what was coming. Most of us had read I Kissed Dating Goodbye and we'd seen Josh McDowell and Rebecca St. James talk about it-- it was the same old song and dance. NO SEX. 

I had no intention of having sex in high school. Honestly, sex wasn't at the forefront of my mind. I didn't think much of my ideals or the way I'd been raised to view sex until my senior year of high school. That year I took a public school class every morning for two hours-- I was home schooled, so all of my other classes were at... home. (And yes, I'm that sort of freak too.)

Now, in some places that fact that I wasn't having sex when I was in high school might not have been that abnormal, but in Idaho there's not always a lot to do. And as I soon learned, most of my classmates were already having sex. I can't remember why sex initially came up in conversation-- maybe it was our pregnant classmate, maybe it was because we were in a health occupations class and we talked about sex in class, maybe it was because it was Idaho, or maybe it was because I had started working for an OB-GYN that year.
(Yes, I started working for an OB-GYN in high school... and that was a whole different sort of education.) But for whatever reason it was, talk we did.

There were Twenty students in the class, sixteen students sexually active at 17. This is the world we live in. And honestly, if my convictions weren't so deep and my belief and relationship with God so strong I don't know that I would be a 25 year old virgin today. 

Sex is everywhere. In almost all media outlets sex in high school or at a young age is completely normal and appropriate. It is glamorized and put in such a shaded light that it's hard to comprehend. Not that it's hard to understand, but it's that it's hard for the disappointed to understand what they missed when they gave into peer pressure.

Sex's mystique is part of it's lure. (I know, along with a few -ahem- other factors.) But I can't even begin to explain the many friends I have who have been disappointed or hurt by sex. There is an understanding that it's supposed to be this amazing thing and then when the guy doesn't call, the girl gets pregnant, someone gets dumped, or an STD is contracted things don't seem so exciting.

I firmly believe that sex in meant to be a good thing. In fact, I think that sex is a God thing. He made us- he made us sexual beings. We're supposed to have sex and it's meant to be enjoyed. It's just that there is a time and a place. Marriage provides a covenant and an outlet. Weird wording, but I think that kinda explains it. If you seriously make a pact with someone to love and honor them- if you've loved and honored that person through your dating relationship, then there is a trust built up. This type of sex isn't being had out of lust or curiosity or high school boredom. It's love and patience and commitment.

Now I know, I'm the virgin here. I'm not really one to say what sex is and what it's not... but from my friends I have seen a difference in the ones that have waited and those that haven't. (I should insert here, I believe God can redeem anyone and anything. Virginity doesn't earn brownie points, but it's something that we are called into... flee sexual immorality- 1 Corinithians 6:18) I have had countless conversations with friends about their choice to have sex before they were married who have later regretted it.

I've also had lots of conversations with friends who never once had anyone tell them to not have sex. They didn't have bible study leaders who thought sex should wait for marriage. The brief conversations they had with their parents had nothing to do with virginity.

I don't know what my future holds. I know I'm not perfect and that people make mistakes. I just know what God has called me to-- He's called me to wait and that is my desire. To be faithful with what's in front of me.

I never meant for this blog to be so long, but this is something that's important to me. And since I'm apparently some sort of open book, if there are any questions out there... fire away.

Friendship and dinner.

Friday night I met up with my friend, Yvonne. It had been over three year since I last saw Yvonne-- she was one of my sweet friends during my small stint abroad. And she was such a huge encouragement to me!
Seeing her again was both normal and random all at the same time.

Her brother and sister-in-law are living here in Chicago and I get to hang out with them a bit, so tonight all of us hung out. Yvonne, her hubby, his brother, and his brother's wife. I didn't even realize that I had only met Yvonne's husband once before. Somewhere in my mind everything meshed right together and it felt as if we had all known each other all along.

Seeing someone you haven't seen in years can be interesting. I realized on the way home that I am nowhere near the same girl I was when I first met Yvonne.

And yet, I'm still that girl. I know her, I know her well. But I wonder what I would have said if someone would have told me then that I'd here in Chicago today. I don't know if I could have believed it. Sometimes it's funny, in an interesting sort of way, to see how the story of life unfolds upon us. With each day the unexpected can arise. Each day is new and beautiful and different, even in the seasons in which each day feels like Ground Hog's day. 

And I'm so thankful for this opportunity that I had to see my friend and remember what God taught me in that season in life. To remember the role Yvonne played in that season of my life. To see her now-- and to see how God has grown her and blessed her and her husband. To realize what God has done in my life the last couple of years.

Yup, it was a good day.

Home for Christmas!

It's raining today and I still love fall, but my zeal for fall has been dimmed by my tiredness. But today had some great news to it- newsworthy news. Today my Mom called to tell me that Josh, my big brother of a soldier who is currently deployed, is headed home in a couple of weeks.

We'll all be home for Christmas! And it's bound to be great... it at least has to be better than the year Josh puked all over a Catholic church at the Christmas Eve midnight mass. That was a Christmas to remember... poor guy got talked into going to midnight mass (by me) and we're not even Catholic.

Oh, and Dear Mom and Dad...
I'm requesting Red Lobster for Josh, you know the day. And a family ski day. Seriously, we need to go skiing.