Friday, May 20, 2016

Life Begins at 30

Like many other people, I had a complete and total meltdown right before I turned 30. To be fair, or dramatic, I had some extra special circumstances that led to my melt down:

1.) I was living in Alaska
2.) My hair had just started falling out
3.) I had no idea what I was doing and kept thinking I had failed at life.

Not quite sure how one fails at life, but that was the overwhelming feeling I had.

All my Idaho friends had already been married for about 2 decades by the time I turned 30 and my life looked completely different.  And instead of judging myself by my standards, I started judging myself by the mean church coffee lady standards of, "why aren't you married yet?"

Instead of buying my first house or having my fourth baby, I was knee deep in winter and terrified of a body that seemed to be attacking itself.

hello, auto immune issues. i hate you.

Sometimes your body attacks you and your emotions play along in the world's worst duet.

In a move so perfect and mom like, my Mama mailed me a card with a simple message, "Life begins at 30," and no joke I called her snotty nosed and sobbing because in that moment my mom got all my fears and everything that felt wrong and was able to speak through the lies to give me that bit of understanding and hope I needed. She was a balm to my anxious ridden heart.

2 1/2 years into my thirties and I don't feel like I'm winning this decade yet, but I do feel more okay to be knee deep in the crap of life.  Thankfully, I've got a long distance support system in my Mom and a good cell phone plan. The pain that comes with life is a lot more real, but the quest for joy and knowing what love really looks like is also more real.  And even if it's a long phone call at the end of a junky day, sharing your life with someone you love makes everything better.

Cheers to whatever road life has you on and judging ourselves by our own standards rather than what works for someone else. 

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